Ask for Feedback with Your Unique Style
Craft feedback requests that benefit you
Embracing feedback is one of the hardest things to do as a software engineer.
It all starts with recognizing your own style. I introduced the concept of feedback preferences a few weeks ago. I’ll dive deeper into that below.
I want to tell you how to uncover your feedback style. You’ll share this when you ask for feedback. Soon you’ll be able to ask for feedback respectfully and create a healthy space to receive it.
👉 This is a four-part series about receiving feedback:
Part 1 - How to ask
Part 2 - Be thankful
Part 3 - Gain understanding
Part 4 - Learn and grow
How do you prefer to receive feedback?
Before you ask for feedback, you should know your preferred style of feedback. The best time to share this information is when you ask. And don’t worry – you should only need to share this once with the person from whom you’re requesting feedback.
Discover your style
When you’re ready to do this, take a moment to answer the following questions. This will help you determine your feedback preferences.
When was the last time you received positive feedback? What do you remember about it?
When was the last time you received constructive feedback? How did it make you feel?
Is there a time of day you prefer to receive feedback?
Would you rather receive written or verbal feedback?
Do you need advanced notice to prepare for constructive feedback?
Are you comfortable with positive feedback being shared publicly?
There’s no right or wrong way to answer these questions. Your style is your style – and no one else’s. Take the time to understand your preferences. When people give you feedback based on your style, there’s a greater chance you’ll be mentally and physically ready to process it.
Know your style
Once you’ve figured out your feedback style, remember it. Write it down. And keep it close by.
For example, this is my feedback style:
Feel free to give me positive feedback or minor constructive feedback asynchronously. For substantial feedback, I prefer to discuss it face to face. I appreciate public praise and I don’t mind where or with whom you share it.
Not every piece of feedback you receive will take your style into account. But if you acknowledge and share it with others, you’ll increase the likelihood of getting feedback on your terms.
How to ask for feedback
Now that you know your style, you’re ready to start asking for feedback.
There are a few different times when you might want to request feedback. Here are some examples of what you can say.
When you start working with someone
I’m excited to work with you. I wanted to let you know that I welcome feedback. My preferences for receiving feedback are […]. I’m happy to give you feedback as well. Feel free to share your preferences with me. Thank you.
After a project
Now that we’re done with the project, can you do me a favor? I’d like some feedback on my contributions to the project. Specifically, I’d like to know […]. Please keep in mind that my feedback preferences are […]. Thank you.
Before a performance review
Performance reviews are coming up. I’d love to give my manager feedback from my peers. Would you mind sharing your thoughts with me? Specifically, I’d appreciate feedback on […]. And I’d like to remind you that my feedback preferences are […]. Thank you.
These examples work well for async communication like email or Slack. I recommend asking this way because it gives the other person some time and space to respond.
Feedback from your manager is extra important because it tends to be a bit more candid and growth-oriented. Make sure to share your feedback style and desired cadence with them as soon as they become your manager.
Accepting feedback, especially the constructive kind, can be difficult. This becomes a little easier when you’re in a positive state of mind to process it. You might feel a little uncomfortable sharing your feedback style. But this is what inspiring leaders do.
When you ask for feedback while sharing your preferences, you invite your co-workers to do the same. And that can help create a highly connected and supportive team.
Next we’ll explore accepting feedback with gratitude.
Thanks for reading this week. See you next week. 👋
This is fantastic. How often do we actually consider our own preferences for receiving feedback? Not often enough!
I'm sure it's better to start now than becer, however, this seems like it would especially beneficial when starting a new role or project team to really set yourself up for success and make boundaries that make sense. Well done!
A great company might even ask for this feedback preference up front and store it in the company intranet or an employee profile somewhere so that managers and peers can access it. Companies: take note.